English language paradoxes
November 24th, 2006
Hope you enjoy the paradoxes found in English.
Care to explain why it happens?
Care to come up with a few of your own? In sentences? With humour?
We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example…
If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!
Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing,
grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
If Dad is Pop, how’s come Mom isn’t Mop?
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See also:
- Any QUESTIONS??? (August 14th, 2007)
- Pictures speak a 1000 words (July 28th, 2007)
- Walk like an Egyptian (July 26th, 2007)
- QUOTES (July 2nd, 2007)
- Presenting Presentations (May 8th, 2007)
November 25th, 2006 at 9:09 am
this isn’t new to me. i found this on lol.com awhile ago. but i don’t think its so long. the laast one was funny. i’ll try to copy and paste the one from lol.com.
November 25th, 2006 at 9:22 am
wahhh, can’t find it, the button generates random jokes.
November 25th, 2006 at 9:24 am
maybe it happens because there are different ways of modifying the words to change the tense as some words don’t sound too right with some usual add-ons like-ed -ing re-
November 26th, 2006 at 10:48 pm
This does get you thinking doesn’t it?
November 30th, 2006 at 1:19 am
Did Mr Tan just got a tan???
I found the last part (starting from: Let’s face it – English is a crazy language to the end) on a laminated paper just outside one of the homerooms.
November 30th, 2006 at 1:21 am
Alright, I’ll tell you. That Unknown author or knot known? mysterious and classified and top secret agent is…
me.
November 30th, 2006 at 1:22 am
haha…
I think the paper is outside veritas.
December 3rd, 2006 at 10:44 am
Well, it all goes with English. They have homophones, synonyms, antonyms, all sorts of -nyms…, and some -nyms are the synonyms or antonyms of other -nyms. English is (was? will be?always be?) crazy. Also, the last one WAS funny (but most Mums mop, so they SHOULD be called Mop, right?)
December 4th, 2006 at 2:27 am
Jax, I would be very happy to see that you get what you deserve for calling your own mother Mop.
December 7th, 2006 at 3:53 am
I think that the words are different because of their origin. Like, maybe some words are originated from greek, others from french or latin etc. Or maybe it is the way the some words changed when they were “taken” from the other languages. It is just coincidences that the words spell the same or similar, but mean different things.
“Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.”
“Cat” and “hat” are nouns, but “that” is not.
This may be another explanation to the paradoxes.
“If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?”
Another way that words are made paradoxes is because, in this example, a vegetarian is named after what he/she eats, but a humanitarian is named because of his profession. In this case, both are judged by what they eat. This gives false relation.
Another such paradox is: We file documents in a file.
December 8th, 2006 at 6:37 am
it is the one outside veritas . i see it everyday , since i used to be the first to be there . I SERIOUSLY MISS 514 .
December 8th, 2006 at 6:41 am
& i think its nice … these , are like what gloria said … they come from different languages , and sometimes maybe its just like that because it doesn’t sound right . sometimes , you can detect an error in someone’s speech , not because you heard it a 1000 times before , but because it doesn’t sound right . like .. if Dawne were to say ::
” cass , i think you is dead . ”
[ okay , sry , its really lame ]
i would know that its wrong .. because ” you ” doesn’t sound correct with ” is ” …
people think its correct .. because
you – singular
is – singular
and they think they make a PURFECT match . guess not …
ok , glor , NICE JOKES . and .. english paradoxes are really funny .
- missing 514 – once a 514ian , always a 514ian .
OKOK , SRY IM SO LAME . IM REALLY SAD ABOUT GOING TO P6 NXT YR .
December 8th, 2006 at 6:48 am
and .. like what mr.grosse said before …
there are many different meanings in one word …
so be sure to ask the meaning of the word in the a particular form
for a particular ans .
ENGLISH IS SO COMPLICATED =.=||
December 8th, 2006 at 8:53 am
err… Cass… The reason why “You is” doesn’t sound right is because we’re used to the fact that You is (haha-reminds me of I am the 9th letter of the alphabet) very often, like… 99% used with “are”. If we always use “You is”, most likely you’ll be saying “You are sounds so weird”.
Hahas
“In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?”
I like those sentences… Makes me laugh
Anyway the picture reminds me of a Klein bottle… But yet it doesn’t. Arrgh.
Anyway, how can water (well, liquid. I and, I believe, most other people have a tendancy to say water as well) flow UPWARDS? Gravity defying drawing-but wait! it may be that the pressure underneath is pushing the liquid up… but yet that’s quite impossible… Something’s gotta apply the pressure… :/
Call Sean here lol (Pls, Sean, don’t give me a lecture)
“boxing rings are square”Hmm… I wonder why they even call it boxing rings… Maybe it’s just a term that the people in the olden days use and it has been passed down until now (and I guess that nobody cares or wants to change it. )
Anyway, I’m still waiting for someone to answer my 1st post… and now answer this as well.
Sigh. What an essay…
Out of topic: RELAX, cass… it’ll b ok. And what’s the “joke” referring to? My riddle?
December 17th, 2006 at 10:27 pm
I saw this before outside one of the homerooms (I think it is Veritas).
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:48 am
It is Veritas, Joe, it is…
Anyway why is cass so sad about going to P6???
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:16 am
I found this at lol.com. Check it out!!!
If you’ve learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius!
Pursue at your leisure, English lovers. Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1.The bandage was wound around the wound.
2.The farm was used to produce produce.
3.The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4.We must polish the Polish furniture.
5.He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6.The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7.Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8.A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9.When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10.I did not object to the object.
11.The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12.There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13.They were too close to the door to close it.
14.The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15.A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16.To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17.The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18.After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19.Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20.I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21.How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France (surprise!).
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose two geese, so one moose, two meese? Doesn’t it seem crazy, that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. Why doesn’t “Buick” rhyme with “quick”?
January 3rd, 2007 at 6:22 am
lol.com is for lamers. Just for lamers to enjoy lame entertainment. I like the jokes there.
January 17th, 2007 at 6:12 am
I just found out what a lamer I am.
January 20th, 2007 at 4:39 am
haha,
LAME!!!
February 19th, 2007 at 5:29 am
don’t waste your waste said the fungi to the fun guy.
February 19th, 2007 at 5:30 am
Its true, fungi eat any thing, including their waste (I think)
February 27th, 2007 at 7:16 am
Isaac, who are you talking to?
Who’s the waste and who’s the fungi?